Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Damn The Torpedos! Full Speed Ahead!!!

Yesterday I felt so confident. I had made a difficult decision and I knew how I was planning on proceeding with regard to the legal matters on my plate. I had decided that I was not going to proceed with any legal action against my ex. I left a detailed voice mail on the clerk of court's voice mail box yesterday explaining my decision. She contacted me awhile back wanting me to meet with her and discuss my ex-husband's contempt of the "no contact" order. The order is due to expire on February 8, 2009. If I do not go forward with the evidence I have that he breached the order his case will be dropped and there will be no record of the abuse.

The Judge decided to put into play 3 stipulations in 2007. If SDK complied with them, since he had no other criminal record, the charge would be dropped in 2 years. The first was that he would reimburse me for all of my medical bills. The second was that he had to take ADAPT classes ie: anger managment education provided by the county. The third was that he have "no contact" with me or anyone related to me for 2 years. He did reimburse my medical bills for that period of battery. I have no clue whether he went to the ordered classes. He definately ignored the no contact order. I have phone records, emails and documented text messages showing this. I also have witnesses who are aware, first hand, of his noncompliance. The problem is I am just so done. I am so done with allowing him to ocupy one more minute of my thought process. Having made the decision to focus on MY life, I was truly ready to move on.

Yesterday afternoon the clerk left me a voicemail that would throw my decision out the window. She said she understood my perspective on SDK but she said, "do it for the next woman SDK will abuse". She said if I do not provide the court with my information, the charges against SDK will be dropped and when he abuses another woman it will be punished as if it were his first offense. She said, "do it for his next victim if for no one else". It initially made me angry. My first thought was "When do I get to wake up from this abusive nightmare?" If what she said is true, do I get to blame SDK's first wife for not reporting him? If she had, maybe I would not have been his victim. When does the victim stop getting blamed and stop being responsible for the behavior of the abuser? Then when I calmed down, I began to think differently. SDK is a psychopath. A psychopath will never accept personal responsibility for his actions. It is truly up to the victims, the bystanders, the court officials to recognize him for what he is and put a stop to his path of distruction. I began to understand that I do have a responsibility here. Regardless of what we have endured in our lives, we do have a responsibility to help others and to protect those that cannot protect themselves.

Today, I called the clerk back and left her another voice mail, I said "you name the time and I will come in with my records". She was correct, my actions, with regard to this, have nothing to do with SDK. My actions have alot to do with myself and my responsibility to others. Courage is not proceeding without fear. Courage is proceeding in the face of fear. Today I am a strong woman with a great deal of courage, courage no one can ever take from me.

No comments: