Friday, June 17, 2011

A Sunny Day in California

It has been over 2 years since I blogged anything on this site, alot of life has been lived from that point to this. I have been challenged with a big move, a major health problem and a new relationship. This has all been constantly peppered by the home sickness for my family back east. Even though I miss everyone back east so much I knew and know I am nothing to them without making the most of myself. I cannot live as only an appendage to their lives. I want to be a healthy addition.

I am 51 years old. I started as a mom and wife at 18 years of age, a senior in high school. At age 27 I was divorced with sole custody of my kids. I raised my kids as a single mother working constantly and going to school to better myself to provide for my kids. I knew who I, nurse, student, and provider. When my children grew up and left home starting their families, I lost who I was.

After much thought and out of love for DJ, I made the difficult decision to move to California for a year with the plan to move back east with him. Life circumstances, health issues and a change of focus has changed my initial goals for the move to CA. I was hoping to begin work here within 2 months of the move, buy a car and be an active career woman. I was not planning on collapsing very ill with Diabetic Ketoacidosis and requiring numerous hospitalizations however all things happen for a reason I believe. God (yes, I believe in God) has made the work environment difficult here in Chico (very few job opportunities) thus my full time job has been learning how to care for myself by focusing on weight loss, healthy eating, exercise and emotional health. I have had lots of time to focus on my recovery in all aspects....what a gift! Some days are harder than others as introspectively looking at yourself is very difficult for me. I have had to accept the fact I am very over weight, out of shape, and in need of emotional recovery. Without acknowledging the true facts one cannot have a jumping off point for change. It was so so hard for me.

As for my love life and I do love DJ more than I can say, I cannot be a terrific partner to him until I learn to love myself first, something I am working on day by day.

All of the above does not change the fact I miss my family so much. I cried for 10 minutes the other day when my son Tom told me on the phone that he gave my grandkiddos a United States electronic game. The kids apparently were not interested in learning about any state except California because that is where their GaGa was. OMG, I was a mess.